Valentine’s day has been celebrated for centuries, in modern day it is widely celebrated as a day for lovers. It’s not foreign to see people all over showering each others with gifts. Most commonly women are bestowed with gifts of flowers and chocolates while being wined and dined with hopes of men being obliged with lingerie and good lovin. Valentine’s day is a day filled with love and fuzzy feelings, unless you are an unhappily single girl. For every girl happily anticipating what her boo has planned, there are several more angry, bitter, and/or sad about the holiday. Years ago, I was one of these girls. I’d commune with my fellow members of the Lonely Hearts Club licking wounds from lovers past and moping about the fact that I was alone for yet another year. On years where I had recently experienced a love gone sour I’d literally cry about not having a Valentine. I wasted quite a few years having meltdowns and pity parties over Valentine’s day.
Somewhere in my early 20’s after wasting a few of years I decided that I’d had enough. I was not going to continue to feel sorry for myself and wallow in a pool of self-pity every year. I refused to continue to allow myself to feel reduced in worth simply because someone didn’t buy me some candy and take me on a date. It was a self-destructive attitude to have and nothing positive came from it. I always felt worse about myself and where I was in my life and it put horrible vibrations into the universe. Once I meditated on this for a while I picked up the phone and called my friend and made a declaration, “I’m abolishing Valentine’s day.”
“What?!? You’re crazy,” my friend laughed back at me. “How are you going to do that?” I’m pretty sure she thought that I had lost my marbles. “I’m done with this pity part every year and feeling bad about myself. This is stupid and I’m not doing it anymore. I’m abolishing Valentine’s day. In my world it doesn’t exist.” With that I threw away every negative feeling that I had been struggling with and never looked back. As the years progressed I stayed very single and though I struggled with other things, V-day was no longer a trigger for me. I blocked it out to the point that, even today, if no one mentions it, it’s not really a thought. In my last relationship, I really had to work hard to get into the festivities and honestly, I don’t remember how we celebrated the occasion. It’s just no longer important.
I say all of this to say, SINGLE’S STOP PUNISHINGYOURSELVES!!! Yes not having a Valentine’s can suck if that’s what you consider important to have, but it’s not depression worthy. I’d much rather have a meaningful relationship with someone than have a date and gifts just because of a day on the calendar. Rather than place your energy on what you feel you’re missing out on grab a couple of friends and have a night out on the town. Enjoy yourself and buy your own damn chocolates and flowers because no one should be able to outdo you loving you. Keep a smile and a positive attitude and before you know it you’ll have a man showering you with gifts and you’ll be obliging with some lovin too lol. (((Huggies)))
P.S. Readers that have overcome Vday blues, how did you do it? Share a thought in the comment section.
One thing that really grinds my gears is that every time I say I want children people quickly reply, “Don’t rush it.” Every time I hear that statement I want to roll my eyes and say, “Seriously?!? I’m 29. Say what you want but I don’t feel that there is anything wrong with an adult, male or female expressing their desire to procreate. It’s a human and natural thing but today’s society acts like it’s a crime. Maybe I’m wrong but if a sexually active adult has made it this far without ever being or getting someone pregnant they aren’t rushing. Also, people need to realize that there is a difference between desire and acting on a feeling.
Every time someone refutes my desire to have children I feel that they are suppressing my right both as a woman and human being. If I said I wanted to do anything regarding solely self (i.e. career move, relocation, buying a house, etc.,) people would cheer me on, encourage me, or express a level of empathy. However, when it comes to things outside of self such marriage and children, they encourage you to hold off like it’s the plague. My theory is that our society has no true sense of family and is highly narcissistic. Children today are often reduced to an additional cost expense and stressor. While I don’t disagree that these are very important factors and not to be taken lightly those are not reasons to discourage full grown adults from wanting and anticipating parenthood.
With that said, those who feel the need to jump in every time you hear a full, grown, adult mention wanting babies, DON’T!!! If no one asked your opinion keep it to yourself. Everything doesn’t require a response. Sometimes people want to get what’s inside of them out and there’s nothing wrong with that. Also, think about who you’re talking to. If they have been proven to be responsible and are over 25 chances are that they know not to have a kid by the seat of their pants, don’t insult their intelligence. Lastly, there is a difference between a desire and an act. People are allowed to want things in their life and if they did decide to act, it would be none of your business… Guess I felt some type of way when I wrote this LOL
Eventually I’ll get my life and post more frequently sooner than later #letuspray anyhoo…
A friend reached out to me and asked me if I had any advice on being comfortable being single. I may not be the authority but I think I know a couple things so I’m sharing them with her and with all of my wonderful wholistic beauties… The first thing I want to throw out there is that there is being single and being alone. I’m in a relationship right now but at one point I was single for a 7 year stint. While on that stint I went through several different phases but there are 2 places I want to focus on: 1) Being “occupied,” yet alone and 2) being alone. I will be honest the latter of the two options was a lot more challenging for me but both are fertile growing soil. In hindsight I don’t want to do it again (lol) but I’m glad I got the lessons.
Contrary to what some may assume being “occupied” yet alone was not pleasant. In fact, I think it’s probably one of the worst places a single person can be. Let me start off by explaining to you what it is. Being “occupied” yet alone is like having a mooching friend that comes over all the time. Sure they can be tons of fun and they make good company BUT they eat your food, use your wi-fi, open your juice without asking, spill all of their problems in your lap, then leave. You won’t hear from them again until they need another snack and a listening ear. That was my cute way of putting it but basically a friend with benefits or a “pizza boo.” You get a slice here and slice there but you rarely get the whole pie and you definitely aren’t the only person eating. Now before y’all get all up in arms with the “Naw I ain’t neva shared my boo thang we might not be together but we are exclusive…” I have to responses 1)Don’t play yourself and 2) It isn’t always a person. The other pizza consumers could be work, lack of maturity, lack on genuine interest, or simply any and everything else because you were never taken seriously anyway…
Option number 2, being alone, as I said before is more challenging but a great place to be. Often times we are so ready to be in a relationship but we rarely know what we want that relationship to look like because we don’t know ourselves. Being alone is not a death sentence, it’s really okay. I say “okay” because I can agree that there is nothing better that loving somebody and somebody loving you back you back yeah… (stops to sing for a sec) EXCEPT LOVING YOURSELF AND VIEWING A MATE AS A GREAT ADDITION BUT NOT A REQUIREMENT. It’s cliché but it’s true. I personally never fully mastered the ideology. In my single days, I viewed it as something coupled up people told singles to make them shut up. but truthfully, it has it’s benefits, assuming (for those that believe need for marriage in life) it’s a temporary stay. Take the time to focus on yourself. Contrary to popular belief you don’t magically know yourself. It takes you truly paying attention to and reflecting on those little nuances we tend to overlook and take for granted. Also, do things that make you happy, focusing on things that make you happy will make you happy. There is nothing more attractive than a happy, healthy, whole person so you might just get that man you’re hoping and wishing for.
I probably didn’t say some magical words that made you feel better but I gave you what I have learned. It’s definitely a lesson of the hard knocks and as unpleasant as it is, it’s necessary. So get cute, grab ya girls, and go have some fun. Mr. Right will pop up when you least expect it and you’ll be so busy having fun the wait will have been worth it and a helluva lot easier to endure because your outfit is cute and you met you new “honey do” at the bowling lane when you and your friends randomly got into a bowling match with the sexy group of guys in the neighboring lane.