One thing that really grinds my gears is that every time I say I want children people quickly reply, “Don’t rush it.” Every time I hear that statement I want to roll my eyes and say, “Seriously?!? I’m 29. Say what you want but I don’t feel that there is anything wrong with an adult, male or female expressing their desire to procreate. It’s a human and natural thing but today’s society acts like it’s a crime. Maybe I’m wrong but if a sexually active adult has made it this far without ever being or getting someone pregnant they aren’t rushing. Also, people need to realize that there is a difference between desire and acting on a feeling.
Every time someone refutes my desire to have children I feel that they are suppressing my right both as a woman and human being. If I said I wanted to do anything regarding solely self (i.e. career move, relocation, buying a house, etc.,) people would cheer me on, encourage me, or express a level of empathy. However, when it comes to things outside of self such marriage and children, they encourage you to hold off like it’s the plague. My theory is that our society has no true sense of family and is highly narcissistic. Children today are often reduced to an additional cost expense and stressor. While I don’t disagree that these are very important factors and not to be taken lightly those are not reasons to discourage full grown adults from wanting and anticipating parenthood.
With that said, those who feel the need to jump in every time you hear a full, grown, adult mention wanting babies, DON’T!!! If no one asked your opinion keep it to yourself. Everything doesn’t require a response. Sometimes people want to get what’s inside of them out and there’s nothing wrong with that. Also, think about who you’re talking to. If they have been proven to be responsible and are over 25 chances are that they know not to have a kid by the seat of their pants, don’t insult their intelligence. Lastly, there is a difference between a desire and an act. People are allowed to want things in their life and if they did decide to act, it would be none of your business… Guess I felt some type of way when I wrote this LOL
Recently I was bombarded with a handful of problems back to back… Naturally I did what most people do; I reached out to my closest friends. I knew that they would have my back, give me comforting words, and make me laugh. Why wouldn’t I, we’ve been crying on one another’s shoulders for years. Except, this time it was different. One friend asked me was I okay but the other two went straight into telling me what I needed to and should have already done. Now on top of my hurt I was frustrated. After the first blow of problems a few more trickled in and I went to two of the 3 friends. One had sympathy but the other had began to say things that were really sugar coated statements of get over and stoop talking about it. By the end of the 2nd week the last friend was outright ignoring me talk. This was the second time in the last few months that something was going on and I didn’t feel support from my friends.
My initial reaction was anger. These are supposed to be my friends, it’s their job to listen to my problems, right??? RIGHT??? Well yes and no, your friends should be who you can come to in a time of trouble but they aren’t emotional garbage cans. I can think back to times where I had individuals in my life call me and ruminate for hours about the same situation. I’d sit on the other end listening laboriously to what they had to say to be supportive but secretly wanting to shoot myself in the head. Like it or not in that moment I was one of those people. As much as I loved those individuals I honestly didn’t want to hear whatever that had going after a certain point. Yes I cared to know that they were okay and I wanted them to depend on my but basically I was a sounding board for them while they tried to make sense of whatever was happening with and to them. After making this connection, I’ve allowed myself to give grace to my friends. It’s not that they don’t care about me but honestly, they don’t care about my problems. They have enough of their own and carrying on someone else’s is just a bit too much.
So then what do you do when you’re going through challenges? Find other outlets. The first thing I always do when I’m going through is pray (although now I realize I need to do waaaaaay more of that and less talking). I have found that when you pray the only person that can get tired of you releasing is you. You don’t have to worry about being judged, the wrong thing being said you, or feeling rejected when you don’t get the response you feel you need. Also, hobbies are beneficial. Growing up I did lots of arts and crafts with my mother. As an adult I find that they can be highly therapeutic. In addition, working out and journaling have proven to be constructive as well. Whatever your delight, place your energy in that. As a result you can become more independent and resilient. Win-wins across the board.