Embrace the Single Life

Eventually I’ll get my life and post more frequently sooner than later #letuspray anyhoo…


A friend reached out to me and asked me if I had any advice on being comfortable being single. I may not be the authority but I think I know a couple things so I’m sharing them with her and with all of my wonderful wholistic beauties… The first thing I want to throw out there is that there is being single and being alone. I’m in a relationship right now but at one point I was single for a 7 year stint. While on that stint I went through several different phases but there are 2 places I want to focus on: 1) Being “occupied,” yet alone and 2) being alone. I will be honest the latter of the two options was a lot more challenging for me but both are fertile growing soil. In hindsight I don’t want to do it again (lol) but I’m glad I got the lessons.
Contrary to what some may assume being “occupied” yet alone was not pleasant. In fact, I think it’s probably one of the worst places a single person can be. Let me start off by explaining to you what it is. Being “occupied” yet alone is like having a mooching friend that comes over all the time. Sure they can be tons of fun and they make good company BUT they eat your food, use your wi-fi, open your juice without asking, spill all of their problems in your lap, then leave. You won’t hear from them again until they need another snack and a listening ear. That was my cute way of putting it but basically a friend with benefits or a “pizza boo.” You get a slice here and slice there but you rarely get the whole pie and you definitely aren’t the only person eating. Now before y’all get all up in arms with the “Naw I ain’t neva shared my boo thang we might not be together but we are exclusive…” I have to responses 1)Don’t play yourself and 2) It isn’t always a person. The other pizza consumers could be work, lack of maturity, lack on genuine interest, or simply any and everything else because you were never taken seriously anyway…
Option number 2, being alone, as I said before is more challenging but a great place to be. Often times we are so ready to be in a relationship but we rarely know what we want that relationship to look like because we don’t know ourselves. Being alone is not a death sentence, it’s really okay. I say “okay” because I can agree that there is nothing better that loving somebody and somebody loving you back you back yeah… (stops to sing for a sec) EXCEPT LOVING YOURSELF AND VIEWING A MATE AS A GREAT ADDITION BUT NOT A REQUIREMENT. It’s cliché but it’s true. I personally never fully mastered the ideology. In my single days, I viewed it as something coupled up people told singles to make them shut up. but truthfully, it has it’s benefits, assuming (for those that believe need for marriage in life) it’s a temporary stay. Take the time to focus on yourself. Contrary to popular belief you don’t magically know yourself. It takes you truly paying attention to and reflecting on those little nuances we tend to overlook and take for granted. Also, do things that make you happy, focusing on things that make you happy will make you happy. There is nothing more attractive than a happy, healthy, whole person so you might just get that man you’re hoping and wishing for.
I probably didn’t say some magical words that made you feel better but I gave you what I have learned. It’s definitely a lesson of the hard knocks and as unpleasant as it is, it’s necessary. So get cute, grab ya girls, and go have some fun. Mr. Right will pop up when you least expect it and you’ll be so busy having fun the wait will have been worth it and a helluva lot easier to endure because your outfit is cute and you met you new “honey do” at the bowling lane when you and your friends randomly got into a bowling match with the sexy group of guys in the neighboring lane.

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