Your Life, Your Mistakes

One thing that I have learned in the last year is that it is essential to follow your own path even if it’s not what’s in “your best interest.” Most of my life I have always done what I was told. Growing up I was drilled with “obedience is better than sacrifice…” usually joined with a lashing to my backside should I choose to do the opposite. As a result, I learned to do what I was told or what I was “supposed” to do regardless of how I felt. Often as a young girl I befriended the wild girls living vicariously through them because I was far too afraid to misbehave myself. This mentality followed me into my adult and at times, I over think and over analyze a lot of decisions for fear of making bad decisions. As a crutch I formed a habit of taking counsel with my loved ones to assess my options before making a decision. The positive to this approach is that I have been able to avoid a lot of mistakes by learning from others. The negative, it can be a struggle to make independent decisions due to lack of confidence in self which brings us to my life last year…

Last year was a trip for me in regards to relationships. I lost some, I found an appreciation for some, and I have to face some truths and release others BUT I did it on my terms. Throughout the process a lot of people had opinions on how I should handle things. I tried to do things their way but it didn’t work. I lost sleep, licked wounds, and stressed out alone trying to do the wise and “right thing” while the “sound counsel” went on about their lives oblivions and at times insensitive to what I needed. Some of the people I expected to have support from only supported me when I did what they felt was best for me. The problem was that though well intended, they didn’t know what I really needed. Determined to break free of some things I did the “wrong things.” I spoke to people that I wasn’t supposed to, I said things I should have kept to myself, and I showed all my cards to poker players but in the end I was free. Things that had held me hostage for years began to melt away. It wasn’t sudden, it wasn’t dramatic, it was slow and steady but it was peace. At the end of the process I learned that not all “bad choices’ are bad. Sometimes you have to do unpopular things to get what you need. By no means do I want people to subject themselves to things that aren’t good for them just because but mistakes are necessary evils.

To pull this all together, I just want to encourage each of you to live in your truths. Never shrink down or suppress yourself for fear of mistakes or to make others around you comfortable. Mistakes are inevitable and you’ll never satisfy everyone. The most important person you must please short of God is yourself. You’ll never have a closer relationship with anyone else.  Trust yourself and get your peace on your terms (((huggies))).

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