Soul Cry

Don’t you hate that feeling you get when you want to cry but nothing comes out? You know, you get that pressure in your eyes and the water sometimes will even brim up in your eyes but… nothing. I came up with a theory a few years ago that when that feeling exists it means that your soul is crying. The source of this theory stems from the fact that the only time I get this feeling is when I feel overwhelmed. I get this indescribable feeling where I ache, not a physical, tangible pain; just a deep, heavy, intense… ache.

In times like these, I tend to dig deeper into my faith base and spirituality. I used to feel extremely guilty about this. One thing I never wanted to be was the person that wanted to get a deeper, closer connection to God when in trouble. For that reason, when things start looking up, I always run to prayer and the Bible. However I have learned over time that there is nothing wrong with running to God when in trouble, in fact that is what God does, he helps us when we’re in trouble. Now before someone gets things misconstrued, I am not saying that this should not be the only time one seeks God. But when you are in trouble go to him.

Occasionally I’ll have a few days of feeling this heaviness and it hits like a ton of bricks. Sometimes when  I feel like I’ve gotten my footing together, something else will happen. It’s like some type of evil twisted joke is being played on me. I do the usual drill you know cry, talk to family and close friends, pray, pump my head phones full of gospel music, read the Bible, and talk some more…nothing just that deep, heavy, ache. One of the last times this happened I just stopped. I took some time to quiet things down, stopped talking, stopped focusing on the problems and just… stopped.

No, initially nothing is changed in fact, everything stayed exactly the same I was no more wise than I was when the aching started nor did I have the slightest clue what to do next the only thing I know is that eventually truths will come out and murky waters will have to come clean. The only thing that I can do is be my honest and authentic self. As long as I can do that everything else will fall into place. Worry, sadness, and stress won’t profit me anything. I’m still trying to get a good handle on this concept. Knowing something and applying it are 2 different things but I challenge you today. When you feel heavy, take a load off and keep it real with yourself about how you feel about whoever and whatever. To heck with what anyone else thinks about how you feel and be true to you. Sometimes admitting things to yourself and the man upstairs is all that you need to set your soul free.

How I Combat Complaining

A bad habit of mine is that sometimes I can be a complainer. It’s a learned behavior but I won’t say who from because I’m sure someone I know would run back and tell on me and create all sorts of drama in my life. Sometimes certain revelations of truth aren’t worth the drama. Over the years it has significantly improved because it’s something I work on but it occasionally rises up. A few years ago it would be impossible to have a conversation with me without hearing me complain about something.  Whenever I complain, I’ve noticed that whomever I talking to will usually exit stage left and I am immediately remorseful. Sometimes I’ll even call or text a person back and apologize for unloading on them. It’s an ugly little habit and I will not rest until it is removed from my life.

One of the most helpful tools to combating my complaining was being introduced to The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Before watching that video the concepts of universal laws was foreign to me. Watching the video sparked something in me. I had heard these same things said in the Bible “As a man thinketh so is he…,” “There is life and death in the power of the tongue.” But for some reason, the way this message was relayed worked. After that I have strived to set my mind on the things that I wanted. I have not always been successful at it but it reduced my complaining tremendously. Applying the universal law of attraction along with Bible scriptures has given me a renewed approach to life. Most of us have no idea the amount power that we possess in our minds.

For those of you that feel that life has been unkind to you or if you’re simply dealing with unpleasant circumstances, stop right now and either watch or read The Secret. If you have Netflix you can watch it there. Not only does it explain the law of attraction, it also gives you testimony of people who have applied it to their lives and their outcomes. Just to be clear, this is not a quick fix. Applying the law of attraction takes effort but the benefits are so worth it. After you watch and/or read it let me know your thoughts.  It was a help to me and I hope it helps you too (((huggies))).

To A Single Girl for Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s day has been celebrated for centuries, in modern day it is widely celebrated as a day for lovers.  It’s not foreign to see people all over showering each others with gifts. Most commonly women are bestowed with gifts of flowers and chocolates while being wined and dined with hopes of men being obliged with lingerie and good lovin. Valentine’s day is a day filled with love and fuzzy feelings, unless you are an unhappily single girl. For every girl happily anticipating what her boo has planned, there are several more angry, bitter, and/or sad about the holiday. Years ago, I was one of these girls. I’d commune with my fellow members of the Lonely Hearts Club licking wounds from lovers past and moping about the fact that I was alone for yet another year. On years where I had recently experienced a love gone sour I’d literally cry about not having a Valentine. I wasted quite a few years having meltdowns and pity parties over Valentine’s day.

Somewhere in my early 20’s after wasting a few of years I decided that I’d had enough. I was not going to continue to feel sorry for myself and wallow in a pool of self-pity every year. I refused to continue to allow myself to feel reduced in worth simply because someone didn’t buy me some candy and take me on a date. It was a self-destructive attitude to have and nothing positive came from it. I always felt worse about myself and where I was in my life and it put horrible vibrations into the universe. Once I meditated on this for a while I picked up the phone and called my friend and made a declaration, “I’m abolishing Valentine’s day.”

“What?!? You’re crazy,” my friend laughed back at me. “How are you going to do that?” I’m pretty sure she thought that I had lost my marbles. “I’m done with this pity part every year and feeling bad about myself. This is stupid and I’m not doing it anymore. I’m abolishing Valentine’s day. In my world it doesn’t exist.” With that I threw away every negative feeling that I had been struggling with and never looked back. As the years progressed I stayed very single and though I struggled with other things, V-day was no longer a trigger for me. I blocked it out to the point that, even today, if no one mentions it, it’s not really a thought. In my last relationship, I really had to work hard to get into the festivities and honestly, I don’t remember how we celebrated the occasion. It’s just no longer important.

I say all of this to say, SINGLE’S STOP PUNISHINGYOURSELVES!!! Yes not having a Valentine’s can suck if that’s what you consider important to have, but it’s not depression worthy. I’d much rather have a meaningful relationship with someone than have a date and gifts just because of a day on the calendar. Rather than place your energy on what you feel you’re missing out on grab a couple of friends and have a night out on the town. Enjoy yourself and buy your own damn chocolates and flowers because no one should be able to outdo you loving you. Keep a smile and a positive attitude and before you know it you’ll have a man showering you with gifts and you’ll be obliging with some lovin too lol. (((Huggies)))


P.S. Readers that have overcome Vday blues, how did you do it? Share a thought in the comment section.


At 29 Baby Fever is Allowed

One thing that really grinds my gears is that every time I say I want children people quickly reply, “Don’t rush it.” Every time I hear that statement I want to roll my eyes and say, “Seriously?!? I’m 29. Say what you want but I don’t feel that there is anything wrong with an adult, male or female expressing their desire to procreate. It’s a human and natural thing but today’s society acts like it’s a crime. Maybe I’m wrong but if a sexually active adult has made it this far without ever being or getting someone pregnant they aren’t rushing. Also, people need to realize that there is a difference between desire and acting on a feeling.

Every time someone refutes my desire to have children I feel that they are suppressing my right both as a woman and human being. If I said I wanted to do anything regarding solely self (i.e. career move, relocation, buying a house, etc.,) people would cheer me on, encourage me, or express a level of empathy. However, when it comes to things outside of self such marriage and children, they encourage you to hold off like it’s the plague. My theory is that our society has no true sense of family and is highly narcissistic. Children today are often reduced to an additional cost expense and stressor. While I don’t disagree that these are very important factors and not to be taken lightly those are not reasons to discourage full grown adults from wanting and anticipating parenthood.

With that said, those who feel the need to jump in every time you hear a full, grown, adult mention wanting babies, DON’T!!! If no one asked your opinion keep it to yourself. Everything doesn’t require a response. Sometimes people want to get what’s inside of them out and there’s nothing wrong with that. Also, think about who you’re talking to. If they have been proven to be responsible and are over 25 chances are that they know not to have a kid by the seat of their pants, don’t insult their intelligence. Lastly, there is a difference between a desire and an act. People are allowed to want things in their life and if they did decide to act, it would be none of your business… Guess I felt some type of way when I wrote this LOL