Your Life, Your Mistakes

One thing that I have learned in the last year is that it is essential to follow your own path even if it’s not what’s in “your best interest.” Most of my life I have always done what I was told. Growing up I was drilled with “obedience is better than sacrifice…” usually joined with a lashing to my backside should I choose to do the opposite. As a result, I learned to do what I was told or what I was “supposed” to do regardless of how I felt. Often as a young girl I befriended the wild girls living vicariously through them because I was far too afraid to misbehave myself. This mentality followed me into my adult and at times, I over think and over analyze a lot of decisions for fear of making bad decisions. As a crutch I formed a habit of taking counsel with my loved ones to assess my options before making a decision. The positive to this approach is that I have been able to avoid a lot of mistakes by learning from others. The negative, it can be a struggle to make independent decisions due to lack of confidence in self which brings us to my life last year…

Last year was a trip for me in regards to relationships. I lost some, I found an appreciation for some, and I have to face some truths and release others BUT I did it on my terms. Throughout the process a lot of people had opinions on how I should handle things. I tried to do things their way but it didn’t work. I lost sleep, licked wounds, and stressed out alone trying to do the wise and “right thing” while the “sound counsel” went on about their lives oblivions and at times insensitive to what I needed. Some of the people I expected to have support from only supported me when I did what they felt was best for me. The problem was that though well intended, they didn’t know what I really needed. Determined to break free of some things I did the “wrong things.” I spoke to people that I wasn’t supposed to, I said things I should have kept to myself, and I showed all my cards to poker players but in the end I was free. Things that had held me hostage for years began to melt away. It wasn’t sudden, it wasn’t dramatic, it was slow and steady but it was peace. At the end of the process I learned that not all “bad choices’ are bad. Sometimes you have to do unpopular things to get what you need. By no means do I want people to subject themselves to things that aren’t good for them just because but mistakes are necessary evils.

To pull this all together, I just want to encourage each of you to live in your truths. Never shrink down or suppress yourself for fear of mistakes or to make others around you comfortable. Mistakes are inevitable and you’ll never satisfy everyone. The most important person you must please short of God is yourself. You’ll never have a closer relationship with anyone else.  Trust yourself and get your peace on your terms (((huggies))).

Soul Cry

Don’t you hate that feeling you get when you want to cry but nothing comes out? You know, you get that pressure in your eyes and the water sometimes will even brim up in your eyes but… nothing. I came up with a theory a few years ago that when that feeling exists it means that your soul is crying. The source of this theory stems from the fact that the only time I get this feeling is when I feel overwhelmed. I get this indescribable feeling where I ache, not a physical, tangible pain; just a deep, heavy, intense… ache.

In times like these, I tend to dig deeper into my faith base and spirituality. I used to feel extremely guilty about this. One thing I never wanted to be was the person that wanted to get a deeper, closer connection to God when in trouble. For that reason, when things start looking up, I always run to prayer and the Bible. However I have learned over time that there is nothing wrong with running to God when in trouble, in fact that is what God does, he helps us when we’re in trouble. Now before someone gets things misconstrued, I am not saying that this should not be the only time one seeks God. But when you are in trouble go to him.

Occasionally I’ll have a few days of feeling this heaviness and it hits like a ton of bricks. Sometimes when  I feel like I’ve gotten my footing together, something else will happen. It’s like some type of evil twisted joke is being played on me. I do the usual drill you know cry, talk to family and close friends, pray, pump my head phones full of gospel music, read the Bible, and talk some more…nothing just that deep, heavy, ache. One of the last times this happened I just stopped. I took some time to quiet things down, stopped talking, stopped focusing on the problems and just… stopped.

No, initially nothing is changed in fact, everything stayed exactly the same I was no more wise than I was when the aching started nor did I have the slightest clue what to do next the only thing I know is that eventually truths will come out and murky waters will have to come clean. The only thing that I can do is be my honest and authentic self. As long as I can do that everything else will fall into place. Worry, sadness, and stress won’t profit me anything. I’m still trying to get a good handle on this concept. Knowing something and applying it are 2 different things but I challenge you today. When you feel heavy, take a load off and keep it real with yourself about how you feel about whoever and whatever. To heck with what anyone else thinks about how you feel and be true to you. Sometimes admitting things to yourself and the man upstairs is all that you need to set your soul free.

To A Single Girl for Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s day has been celebrated for centuries, in modern day it is widely celebrated as a day for lovers.  It’s not foreign to see people all over showering each others with gifts. Most commonly women are bestowed with gifts of flowers and chocolates while being wined and dined with hopes of men being obliged with lingerie and good lovin. Valentine’s day is a day filled with love and fuzzy feelings, unless you are an unhappily single girl. For every girl happily anticipating what her boo has planned, there are several more angry, bitter, and/or sad about the holiday. Years ago, I was one of these girls. I’d commune with my fellow members of the Lonely Hearts Club licking wounds from lovers past and moping about the fact that I was alone for yet another year. On years where I had recently experienced a love gone sour I’d literally cry about not having a Valentine. I wasted quite a few years having meltdowns and pity parties over Valentine’s day.


Somewhere in my early 20’s after wasting a few of years I decided that I’d had enough. I was not going to continue to feel sorry for myself and wallow in a pool of self-pity every year. I refused to continue to allow myself to feel reduced in worth simply because someone didn’t buy me some candy and take me on a date. It was a self-destructive attitude to have and nothing positive came from it. I always felt worse about myself and where I was in my life and it put horrible vibrations into the universe. Once I meditated on this for a while I picked up the phone and called my friend and made a declaration, “I’m abolishing Valentine’s day.”


“What?!? You’re crazy,” my friend laughed back at me. “How are you going to do that?” I’m pretty sure she thought that I had lost my marbles. “I’m done with this pity part every year and feeling bad about myself. This is stupid and I’m not doing it anymore. I’m abolishing Valentine’s day. In my world it doesn’t exist.” With that I threw away every negative feeling that I had been struggling with and never looked back. As the years progressed I stayed very single and though I struggled with other things, V-day was no longer a trigger for me. I blocked it out to the point that, even today, if no one mentions it, it’s not really a thought. In my last relationship, I really had to work hard to get into the festivities and honestly, I don’t remember how we celebrated the occasion. It’s just no longer important.


I say all of this to say, SINGLE’S STOP PUNISHINGYOURSELVES!!! Yes not having a Valentine’s can suck if that’s what you consider important to have, but it’s not depression worthy. I’d much rather have a meaningful relationship with someone than have a date and gifts just because of a day on the calendar. Rather than place your energy on what you feel you’re missing out on grab a couple of friends and have a night out on the town. Enjoy yourself and buy your own damn chocolates and flowers because no one should be able to outdo you loving you. Keep a smile and a positive attitude and before you know it you’ll have a man showering you with gifts and you’ll be obliging with some lovin too lol. (((Huggies)))

 

P.S. Readers that have overcome Vday blues, how did you do it? Share a thought in the comment section.

 

Out of Your Comfort Zone

Here is an old piece that I wrote forever ago. I hope get’s you that much more pumped up about the new year…

Good Morning Luvs,

I know I have been long overdue for writing. One of these days I’m going to get my life together BUT today we’ll take baby stepsJ…

The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.  Deuteronomy 1:30-31

Today I want to encourage each and every one of you not to be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone. Many times there are things that we desire to do but don’t because of fear of the unknown.  Many of you want to start your own businesses, go back to school, or even start working in your dream career but don’t. The reasons that stop you are generally lack of finances, limited time, lack of support systems, lack of child care, lack of knowledge, bad timing, and other random excuses we hide behind. One thing I am learning is no matter what you do, there will never be enough of something that you THINK you need to get the job done. Today I challenge you to jump outside of your comfort zone and the reasons (*cough* excuses *cough cough*) that have hindered you from taking that leap of faith and start pursuing it.

In the biblical text I used the children of Israel were being reminded that the LORD was going to fight their battles before they even got to there. Even though they had witnessed God delivering them in the past they were still lacking trust in God that he would give them the promise. How much sense does that make??? None, yet we all do it all the time. No quite convinced? No problem I’m going to show you exactly how you do it:

  1. Think of something that you really would like to do. Write that down.
  2. Now think of the things you can do right now to help you START pursuing that goal no matter how big or small. Write that down.
  3. Next, write down the reason(s) you have not done it yet. Hold that thought.

 

Now, I know that many of you that read my emails are mothers. Be honest with yourself. How many of you were financially, emotionally, etc., ready for your child(ren)? Think of all the reasons you feel you were and all the reasons you weren’t. It might be hard BUT are you not doing the daggone thing??? CASE CLOSED. Now on to my luvs that have not had children yet; how many of you have not had the money for a bill and your service was about to get cut short? (I’m not talking about no little cell phone bill I’m talking rent, lights, gas, you know the big boys) Think of what happened that you didn’t have that money, is the situation rectified now??? C’mon somebody!!! Whether it was one of these specific situations or another we all have faced a challenge that nobody but God brought us out of. If he did it once he can do it again. So today keep that in mind and let go of your comfort zone. Go back to that paper with your dream/vision/goal and start acting on the things you can do. Once you do that the reasons you have not done it will start to shrink and what’s left start thinking of a plan to eliminate that barrier rather than stand there staring at it. Know God is with you and reach for the stars. (((Huggies))) to you all.

 

 

 

 

Sheaves for Seeds

Well, clearly my blogging efforts were lacking in 2014 but I am striving for greater so I’ll try again in 2015. I figured I’d write to you all as we end this year with my thoughts going into the next year. I don’t know what my actual launch date for 2015 will be but it’s coming…

Leaving 2014 and coming into 2015 I adopt a new scripture to be my mantra. My favorite has and will always be “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4). I was taught back in college to “work the word and the word will work for you.” Now, I consider myself highly spiritual and I’m sure others around me would agree but that is a whole entire conversation for another day. I love scripture and believe that it has healing powers in it. Usually when talking to people, I can be found quoting a bible scripture to inspire or bring comfort to their situations. Sometimes I even throw out a scripture for a relevant punch line. So yes often you will see my blog entries referring to the Bible yet you may still see me swear occasionally (I’m working on cutting that out). I’m human; I’m complex, and occasionally hypocritical but always well intended. I’m going to give you the real deal and I hope you still love me at the end of it all but I digress…

Back to my main focus my scripture for 2015. In this year I am adopting the theme based in Psalms 126:5-6 “They that sow in tears shall reap joy. He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.” Meditating on these scriptures gets me excited. Many times in my life I have cried. I have always tried to give my best self to those around me even when I didn’t have much “self” to give. Often times I have felt used, taken for granted, disrespected, and undervalued. I have cried some nights asking God why he allowed me to endure certain things and I have begged God for relief from pain. I always rejoice with my neighbors even when they were seemingly undeserving and received the things I would pray for in the wee hours of the morning. I’ve had times where I exhibited the patience of Job while other times I whined and cried asking when it was ever going to be about me. All in all I have sown good seed. I have spread love to others the way I wished it was given to me (seed), forgiven and forgotten sometimes only to be subjected to repeat offenders (seed), I have been considerate to others who mishandled me (seed), I have shown loyalty to people who were disloyal to me (seed), I have blessed others when I barely had the means to take care of myself (seed). I have prayed blessings over those who hurt me and wished ill upon me (seed). I have had compassion for those many wouldn’t have had the patience to tolerate (seed).

Today I challenge each of you, rather than look at what you have endured as a loss, see count the seeds you have sown in your life’s field. Continue to tend to your field with good deeds, praise, and gratitude to God. Take rest in the fact that all of the tears you have cried are seeds yet your reward will be sheaves. Go into 2015 speaking life to your harvest. It’s coming, you earned it, and my prayer for each of you is that it blows your mind. (((Huggies)))

Privacy is a Right Not a Friendship Ender

So recently I had a conversation with someone about friendships and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m confused. I was told that if someone is really your friend they are entitled to know you business and be included in major events. If said friend is not invited you don’t value them and should be prepared  to deal with the backlash of their reaction to not being made aware of or included in events such as marriages, weddings, pregnancies,  job changes, etc,. (Screeching record… blank stare). WHY THE EFF IS EVERYBODY ALWAYS FEELING ENTITLED ABOUT SOMETHING, ESPECIALLY THINGS THAT ARE LEGIT NOT THEIR BUSINESS?!?

Now don’t get me wrong I love all of my friends and I am pretty much an open book. However, the idea that I am wronging you because I choose to keep any form of a personal matter to myself for however long I deem appropriate is absolutely maddening to me. If my fiancé (law of attraction working here lol) only has 3 best friends and my sisters and favorite cousin are my first picks I’m wrong if I don’t make him find more males to accommodate my friends? If perhaps I happened to get pregnant and struggled with the fact that I was and needed time to process it myself before telling anyone, I’m in error? If I had been planning on relocating and I didn’t tell my friends until I had finished my research and secured a new job, I withheld information? WHAT THE EFF HAPPENED TO PRIVACY?!? Many people keep many things to themselves for various reasons, fear, embarrassment, pride, they aren’t ready to face it, or they just want to. Why should that be a testament of whether or not they value the relationship?

Once years ago I got in to an argument with a friend because I didn’t share some information with them as soon as they felt I should have. They felt that usually I told them everything so this situation should not have been any different. We hashed the situation out and I still share most of my thoughts with her but, if I’m honest, there have been times I struggled with that. Maybe it’s the rebellious side of me, but when in your friendship and you’re making decisions about what to do with your business based on how other feel about it, that’s a problem.  On the flip side when you measure your friends love for you based upon them owing you to tell them their business that’s a problem too. What I share with my friends is out of love, trust, and desire not obligation. I share because I want to. Thoughts???