Monthly Archives: January 2015

Why I Wear My Natural Hair

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“Ooh girl I can’t go natural, my hair is way too nappy…” Every time I hear a sista make this statement, I want to scream. Usually these women can smooth their edges down with a little hair gel and have wisps of baby curls on the back of their necks. Once I make these observations, my brain goes to my own hair. It’s thick, course, and has broken plenty of combs and brushes (pours a little wine out for my lost homies LOL). Next, I’m not going to lie, I begin to judge you LOL. Now just to be clear I believe that each person has a right to wear his or her hair however they choose. If you wear a relaxer I’m not angry at you; heck, 4 years ago I was one of you. What I am bothered by is your excuse. I’d rather hear you say “This is what works for me,” or “This is just what I want to do,” than hear you blame your natural hair texture.

I decided to go natural after all of my hair broke off. Prior to that I would have my hair relaxed every 6-8 weeks because my hair was “way too nappy.” The problem with that was that my hair was also way too processed. About once every 2 years my hair would get into a funky mood and just break and thin out. When this would happen I would just take about 3 months off and go back to my beloved “creamy crack.”  The first time I wore my hair in its natural state, I relaxed it 8 months in and I immediately regretted it. Firstly, the friend who relaxed it for me didn’t pull the relaxer through all of the new growth. As a result my hair was straight on the ends (I transitioned), puffy in the middle, and bone straight at the roots. I went straight to the beauty supply, bought an afro puff drawstring ponytail and never looked back.

Since going natural I have had ups and downs with my hair. Sometimes I wish I could just wear a wrap and go on about my day. While other days I relish in compliments men specifically give my hair. My Natural hair introduced me to a power that I didn’t know I possessed. It connected me to my culture and helped me to reclaim pride in myself exactly the way that God gave me. My “nappy” hair is a beautiful thing not a burden, so is yours. I am pro natural hair and encourage others to give it a try.  As cliché as it sounds, going natural helped me tremendously with being comfortable in my own skin.

No One Wants to Hear Your Problems

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Recently I was bombarded with a handful of problems back to back… Naturally I did what most people do; I reached out to my closest friends. I knew that they would have my back, give me comforting words, and make me laugh. Why wouldn’t I, we’ve been crying on one another’s shoulders for years. Except, this time it was different. One friend asked me was I okay but the other two went straight into telling me what I needed to and should have already done. Now on top of my hurt I was frustrated. After the first blow of problems a few more trickled in and I went to two of the 3 friends. One had sympathy but the other had began to say things that were really sugar coated statements of get over and stoop talking about it. By the end of the 2nd week the last friend was outright ignoring me talk. This was the second time in the last few months that something was going on and I didn’t feel support from my friends.

My initial reaction was anger. These are supposed to be my friends, it’s their job to listen to my problems, right??? RIGHT???  Well yes and no, your friends should be who you can come to in a time of trouble but they aren’t emotional garbage cans. I can think back to times where I had individuals in my life call me and ruminate for hours about the same situation. I’d sit on the other end listening laboriously to what they had to say to be supportive but secretly wanting to shoot myself in the head. Like it or not in that moment I was one of those people. As much as I loved those individuals I honestly didn’t want to hear whatever that had going after a certain point. Yes I cared to know that they were okay and I wanted them to depend on my but basically I was a sounding board for them while they tried to make sense of whatever was happening with and to them. After making this connection, I’ve allowed myself to give grace to my friends. It’s not that they don’t care about me but honestly, they don’t care about my problems. They have enough of their own and carrying on someone else’s is just a bit too much.

So then what do you do when you’re going through challenges? Find other outlets. The first thing I always do when I’m going through is pray (although now I realize I need to do waaaaaay more of that and less talking). I have found that when you pray the only person that can get tired of you releasing is you. You don’t have to worry about being judged, the wrong thing being said you, or feeling rejected when you don’t get the response you feel you need. Also, hobbies are beneficial. Growing up I did lots of arts and crafts with my mother. As an adult I find that they can be highly therapeutic. In addition, working out and journaling have proven to be constructive as well. Whatever your delight, place your energy in that. As a result you can become more independent and resilient. Win-wins across the board.

 

 

Conversations w/Friends Episode 1

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I want to start a little series I like to call conversations with friends. Lots of times I have these interesting or motivational conversations with friends and I’d like to believe that I say some pretty good stuff. Later when I try to recreate what I said it never quite captures what I said in the moment. So I thought it would be cool to start recording some of my conversations and sharing bits of them with you.

 

To shed a little light on this conversation, I was speaking with a friend who was expressing concern for their ability to make sound judgment when dealing with the opposite sex.

Dominique’s Weight Loss Tips

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Growing up I was always very thin. Even as I sit here today at the heaviest I’ve ever been, most others consider me to be a little “thick” but overall still on the smaller end of the spectrum, average at best. During my adolescence I hoped and prayed for weight gain. My goal was to have thighs that touched and for men to look and me and proclaim “Damn girl you thick than a mofo.” Alas these days have arrived and there is nothing more that I’d rather do than drop 20 lbs and keep my thighs in their own respective spaces NOT touching one another LOL. It’s time to hit the gym.

I started back going to the gym in the fall and I’m not as consistent as I’d like to be, but I’ll get there. I struggle in the beginning to get going but once I start seeing results it pumps me up and makes me want to go harder. Probably my biggest challenge with losing weight is eating. I love to eat and I love to eat all the things that your aren’t supposed to.  I know how to eat well, cut out simple carbs, increase fruits and veggie intake, and portion control, but the lure of chocolate, pastries, and Harold’s 6 wings with mild sauce are almost too much to resist.  Darn you yummy morsels of delicious calorie filled foods…

One of my friends and I were discussing weight loss and she asked me what my game plan was for weight loss and my response was “Nothing.” Now for many of you that won’t work but if you’re like me the pressure of stringent rules and regulations on food will make you want to go on a binge eating fest of everything you’re not supposed to. SOOO, to help you out I’m going to share with you what has helped me over the years when I have lost weight.

  1. Take your time!!! – Don’t put the pressure on yourself to lose weight immediately. You didn’t gain it all overnight you won’t lose it that way either.
  2. Treat yourself don’t cheat yourself – Don’t starve yourself of the things you enjoy just limit the amount and frequency of it you have. For example, eat 3 wings with mild sauce twice a month rather that 6 wings every week.
  3. Stay away from the scale- Yes you want to k now how much you way but weighting yourself too often can cause you to become obsessive and can become a negative thing. Besides muscle is more dense than fat so you can be gaining muscle and losing inches. I much rather focus on how my clothes fit. Shoot I don’t know about you but my main goal is to look great naked… and be healthy too I guess lol
  4. Aim to learn– Over the years I have learned some things about food and eating properly is truly a science. Rather than obsessing over if what you eat will make you fat strive to learn what foods are good and bad for your body and why. Being told to eat complex carbs and not simple carbs means nothing if you can’t tell the difference between the two or understand that the complex carbs will burn slower and are more filling that simple carbs. Health is important and skinny and healthy are NOT synonymous.
  5. Have fun – If working out and eating well is not an enjoyable experience you won’t keep it up. The aim should be to change your lifestyle and for the weight loss to be permanent not just a short term change that will merely become a memory
  6. Lastly, give yourself grace – While on your weight loss journey there will be peaks and valleys, sometimes you’ll lose, sometimes plateau, and there will even be times you fall off the wagon and gain. It happens; you won’t be the first nor last to do it. Just dust yourself off and give it another go eventually you’ll get there.

Hope this helps some of you on your respective journeys whether you’re at the beginning or the middle. (((Huggies)))

Out of Your Comfort Zone

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Here is an old piece that I wrote forever ago. I hope get’s you that much more pumped up about the new year…

Good Morning Luvs,

I know I have been long overdue for writing. One of these days I’m going to get my life together BUT today we’ll take baby stepsJ…

The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.  Deuteronomy 1:30-31

Today I want to encourage each and every one of you not to be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone. Many times there are things that we desire to do but don’t because of fear of the unknown.  Many of you want to start your own businesses, go back to school, or even start working in your dream career but don’t. The reasons that stop you are generally lack of finances, limited time, lack of support systems, lack of child care, lack of knowledge, bad timing, and other random excuses we hide behind. One thing I am learning is no matter what you do, there will never be enough of something that you THINK you need to get the job done. Today I challenge you to jump outside of your comfort zone and the reasons (*cough* excuses *cough cough*) that have hindered you from taking that leap of faith and start pursuing it.

In the biblical text I used the children of Israel were being reminded that the LORD was going to fight their battles before they even got to there. Even though they had witnessed God delivering them in the past they were still lacking trust in God that he would give them the promise. How much sense does that make??? None, yet we all do it all the time. No quite convinced? No problem I’m going to show you exactly how you do it:

  1. Think of something that you really would like to do. Write that down.
  2. Now think of the things you can do right now to help you START pursuing that goal no matter how big or small. Write that down.
  3. Next, write down the reason(s) you have not done it yet. Hold that thought.

 

Now, I know that many of you that read my emails are mothers. Be honest with yourself. How many of you were financially, emotionally, etc., ready for your child(ren)? Think of all the reasons you feel you were and all the reasons you weren’t. It might be hard BUT are you not doing the daggone thing??? CASE CLOSED. Now on to my luvs that have not had children yet; how many of you have not had the money for a bill and your service was about to get cut short? (I’m not talking about no little cell phone bill I’m talking rent, lights, gas, you know the big boys) Think of what happened that you didn’t have that money, is the situation rectified now??? C’mon somebody!!! Whether it was one of these specific situations or another we all have faced a challenge that nobody but God brought us out of. If he did it once he can do it again. So today keep that in mind and let go of your comfort zone. Go back to that paper with your dream/vision/goal and start acting on the things you can do. Once you do that the reasons you have not done it will start to shrink and what’s left start thinking of a plan to eliminate that barrier rather than stand there staring at it. Know God is with you and reach for the stars. (((Huggies))) to you all.