Don’t you hate that feeling you get when you want to cry but nothing comes out? You know, you get that pressure in your eyes and the water sometimes will even brim up in your eyes but… nothing. I came up with a theory a few years ago that when that feeling exists it means that your soul is crying. The source of this theory stems from the fact that the only time I get this feeling is when I feel overwhelmed. I get this indescribable feeling where I ache, not a physical, tangible pain; just a deep, heavy, intense… ache.
In times like these, I tend to dig deeper into my faith base and spirituality. I used to feel extremely guilty about this. One thing I never wanted to be was the person that wanted to get a deeper, closer connection to God when in trouble. For that reason, when things start looking up, I always run to prayer and the Bible. However I have learned over time that there is nothing wrong with running to God when in trouble, in fact that is what God does, he helps us when we’re in trouble. Now before someone gets things misconstrued, I am not saying that this should not be the only time one seeks God. But when you are in trouble go to him.
Occasionally I’ll have a few days of feeling this heaviness and it hits like a ton of bricks. Sometimes when I feel like I’ve gotten my footing together, something else will happen. It’s like some type of evil twisted joke is being played on me. I do the usual drill you know cry, talk to family and close friends, pray, pump my head phones full of gospel music, read the Bible, and talk some more…nothing just that deep, heavy, ache. One of the last times this happened I just stopped. I took some time to quiet things down, stopped talking, stopped focusing on the problems and just… stopped.
No, initially nothing is changed in fact, everything stayed exactly the same I was no more wise than I was when the aching started nor did I have the slightest clue what to do next the only thing I know is that eventually truths will come out and murky waters will have to come clean. The only thing that I can do is be my honest and authentic self. As long as I can do that everything else will fall into place. Worry, sadness, and stress won’t profit me anything. I’m still trying to get a good handle on this concept. Knowing something and applying it are 2 different things but I challenge you today. When you feel heavy, take a load off and keep it real with yourself about how you feel about whoever and whatever. To heck with what anyone else thinks about how you feel and be true to you. Sometimes admitting things to yourself and the man upstairs is all that you need to set your soul free.